New Year, Still a Mother


I rang in this new year sick with a sick child, so I didn’t get the jump start I wanted. It’s just another reminder that having children changes our plans. What I don’t subscribe to, is the thought that they change our plans for the worse.

Adding to this, I was also sick with a sick baby which wasn’t fun, but it does allow one extra time to think about things, like, “What would I like to accomplish this year, really?”

The tail end of 2018 brought some big changes for me. One, I quit my day job. For the first time in my adult life I am not working as a graphic designer [or insert any other basic profession here] to pay the bills. I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to do this, but also, I feel very out of sorts. I have never not made money. My husband and I share our finances mentally (as in it is all ours collectively) but because of all our moves and different life status we have still mostly been operating with a “you pay yours and i’ll pay mine” actuality. So in other words, the money I spent, I paid for. Now, as I don’t have a day job, things will have to change. But there is one thing I don’t want to change, and that is making some money. This time with my art.

Another thing happened too, I participated in my first art show in years! I


“Lettuce take a stand.”

made a painting for the Swains miniature show. My piece called “Lettuce take a stand” was the first painting I have made expressly for the purpose of sale in at least two years. I am also happy to say that it sold! In addition to selling this piece I had two other much older pieces sell at the same gallery just a few months before this. For me, these were all small victories and reminders that I am doing what I should be doing. That this life of being a painter is not a figment of my imagination but an attainable goal, that I can set my eyes on realistically.

Speaking of being realistic, I also am still, happily, a mother. I feel like I have spent more time with this reality the end of this year than ever. This is my world. But I need to be not only a mother but personally fulfilled. I need to complete my mission. Glenn Close recently said it perfectly during her Golden Globes acceptance speech, “I feel what I’ve learned from this whole experience is that women, we’re nurturers, that’s what’s expected of us. We have our children. We have our husbands, if we’re lucky enough, or our partners, whoever. But we have to find personal fulfillment.”

This year I vow to make real strides in my workflow. I’m not going to shoot for too much, but I will figure out how to get as much done as possible while keeping my family life happy. This probably means a dirtier house and more instant food (thank goodness for Trader Joe’s!). But I must keep praying and working towards the mission I was given on this planet. I know this is who God has been preparing me to be, I just need to step up to the plate and take a swing at it.

So, I hope this year treats you all well and I hope that you have set and achieve some great things for yourselves. I wish you such great luck and I hope I can send some support and encouragement to you this year! Happy new year and happy painting!

– M

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