I feel like I hear a lot about the “Postpartum Bounce Back”. Do a quick google search for “bouncing back after pregnancy” and you will yield a ton of articles on pelvis binding and postpartum exercise to regain your pre-baby physique. You will also see things about how to regain some “me” time, quiet time you had before baby and other absurd post-baby life desires. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I will ever “bounce back”.
Why do people feel they need to be the people they were before they had a baby? I mean, no one expects you to be the kid you were in high school after you’ve graduated college. If you fall in love with someone. you aren’t asked to be the person you were before the relationship. If you lose a loved one or move to a different place, take a new job, make a major lifestyle or diet change, everyone expects that you WILL change and hopefully grow from each of these life experiences. But after growing then caring for a human, somehow we are supposed to become our pre pregnancy/motherhood selves?
Having a baby has changed my whole life. I am physically, mentally and emotionally changed. My entire being has, like a boat on a lake being rocked by the ripple of a ship sailing by, been affected. Eventually the waves will get smaller and my daily life will not be as moved by the S.S.N.C. but I will be ever changed by her.
My art has been affected too. Not only has the way I create art, like my working hours, changed but what I want to paint has changed as well. I must embrace this. If we cannot get over how our children have changed us personally and professionally, then we will capsize in their waves. We must work with the disruption of water and turn our bows into the waves to face these changes head on, rather than not turning and being unable to see what is coming, risking losing in all. When I work with my daughters schedule and needs my painting days are not as productive as they once were. On those stormy days, I can barely sail forward, but wishing the storm away has no effect and brings my mood down. If I hold onto the need to have more time than I can give I will get depressed and that only hurts my productivity further. I will weather this storm, as many others, and my good days will come. I try to be productive as possible on those good days, and this makes up for any losses I may have had, as well as refilling my cup.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I want to work on my physique too! But I will work with what I am now, not what I was. Just as I do with my art.
As my mother once said to me when I told her I would pay her back for all the money she gave to help me while in college, “don’t worry about paying it back, pay it forward to your children, I don’t need it.” The love you give your children now, they will pay forward.
So, forget about bouncing back, just sail forward.