It’s my time

Earlier this week I got my time to paint. It was wonderful I had great plans and… they all went kaput.

I have to work on guarding my window of opportunity.

In the interest of protecting my time, I declined a get together with a friend with whom I’ve been trying for weeks to get together with. I felt bad, because I really wanted to see her, but I passed on the invite and felt pride that I didn’t give into the desire to blow off work and play.

Later I dropped N.C. off at my friends house for our care-trade and left a bit distracted. Not because of anything she did, I just had a busy brain. My busy brain is both a true asset to my art and a major hindrance to it as well.

I got home and just had to follow through with a few of my thoughts to get them out of my head. Then I ate a little something (something I try to do before I drop off my daughter so it doesn’t eat *pun intended* into my art time). By then it was a good forty-five minutes into my two hour painting window. This knowledge made me really fail to focus. When I know I won’t have enough time, I struggle to get into the project. Top that with friends, who I also have not talked to in forever messaging me, the day was shot in no time.

When N.C. was napping I tried again to paint, but instead I just kept thinking about how mad I was that my precious time got wasted. Then I realized, this is life. It’s part of the human condition. We cannot be “on” every second of every day. Most days it works out, that my work window is productive and goes well, others not so much. But rather than allow myself to get too upset about it, as I used to do, I now try to turn those feelings around and look forward to putting my best into my next work window.

Negative thoughts start a downward spiral that my whole psyche will follow if I allow it. It has kept me down for so long, making sooooo many excuses on why it just isn’t working out. When I find the vacuum pulling me down, I try and think back to when one of my teachers gave me the best advice ever, “just paint”. Forget about all of life’s speed bumps and issues, and try and remember to just make art. It doesn’t matter how little or much time you have, how small or large the piece is, if it has deeper meaning or none at all, heck, who cares if it even looks that good. The act of making art alone is the goal. Because if you can learn how to work through the speedbumps and bad days you can do amazing things on the good days.

Don’t worry if you have enough time, or if everything is perfect, just paint. Just create.